Coming out in the early 80’s was difficult. When it dawned on me that I might be gay I was overwhelmed. I equated it to crazy or criminal... let alone the religious implications. The only gay movie I knew was “Personal Best” and most of the audience hooted and hollered at the quasi- sex scene… and not a good holler.
If I was going to come out, I needed a running start. Kinda like red rover, red rover. Only part of me was scared to break thru the line… I wasn’t sure I wanted to play for “that” team. But the rest of me knew I couldn’t play for this team either… By age 21 I felt like I had two choices. Run or die. So I cut my hair as short as I dared, I got dressed up for a Friday night, and bravely drove to the closest corner of Gay and Vine. Better known as Isis, the only girl bar in town.
It wasn’t all that brave though… I went with my kind of, sometimes, left over boyfriend Leo. He was game since everyone knew the best place to dance was a gay bar. The best music, the sound systems, the best lights, and best of all…no one cared if you danced by yourself. He thought of himself as a hot Italian, and he loved to dance. A lesbian bar was even better. He would be surrounded by women and there would be no hassle of guys hitting on him. He could dance like no one was watching… because probably nobody was.
Looking back at it now, I suppose we went that night to the bar for variations of the same thing. Freedom. The freedom to be who we were or who we might be.
It was cold and damp. The leaves had fallen but the white of winter had yet to arrive. We were able to park the car close to the entrance. Not a good sign for a nightclub… it meant it was pretty dead. But we were committed. We had driven 20 miles into town under the guise of meeting my old high school buddy Trish. It was safe date. She was a waitress at a restaurant in a hip and historic neighborhood. Her co-worker, Cathy the bar tender, also tended bar at this new club. Trish was straight, Cat, was not. We were to meet Trish for a drink and check it out. Leo and I thought of ourselves as liberal, bohemian, if not edgy… Cool enough to walking into a gay bar and not drop a jaw at the site of two girls making out in a booth.
A typical gay bar, Isis’s was located on what would someday be a fabulous city block; currently low rent and crime ridden. It only added to the mystique. New neon lights framed the entrance. We crossed the street and the bouncer stepped out of the shadow. It took me a moment to realize it was a woman. We had a short conversation about whether of not Leo should be allowed in. I mentioned something about meeting Trish and Cat and to check out the new place. It wasn’t very busy... she winked at me and let us in without a cover charge.
Grace Jones thumped out of the speakers. The décor was gay chic. Trish wasn’t there. I introduced myself to the bartender. It was Cat. She was nice but a little twisted. Barbie dolls in various states of bondage sat on a glass shelf behind her. After she poured us a drink she introduced us to her collection of dolls. I thought I was maintaining rather well but the smirk on Cat’s face gave me away. She got a kick out of my naiveté and I was getting a crash course on the uses of duct tape.
We sat at the bar and had a couple of drinks, eventually drifted out on the dance floor, and then to a table in the back of the club. The bar was filling up but still no Trish. Leo continued to dance with and without me. That is what Leo came to do… and perhaps get lucky. He never mentioned it before we got to Isis but I know he was hoping for a ménage à trois. I let him think what he wanted to think.
I went up to the bar for some more liquid courage. The bar was now 2 or 3 deep, standing shoulder to shoulder with dozens of women felt very exciting. There was a definite butch/fem thing going on. There were a few other guys, but the testosterone quota for the room would not filled by them.
Then it happened. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. She asked me my name and if I wanted to dance. She was cute. Not a diesel but not a princess either. In my head rang “Red rover Red rover let Barbie come Over”. I took a deep breath and ran. I ran across the playground, across the room, and on to the dance floor. I danced and laughed and by the time the DJ’s could spin another record I knew I had broken through. I was on the other team.
